I'm So Done With This Game
by 96thPerson
Summary: (Goddammit Wes) Total crack AU where the assassin boys are in collage and know each other in an MMORPG. Confessions are exchanged and crack ensues. Heavily implied AltMal, heavily implied sexual themes (so mature), odd AU, more explained inside and yeah.


So there was a drabble series I was doing based on a song (I was going to start a meme), and I may or may not ever get around to posting it, but this was one of the drabbles.

The song is "Pictures of You" by The Last Goodnight, and the line is "There is a title we can't win." Summary is "Crack modern college-ish AU, were Malik and Altair almost confess through an MMORPG"

The drabble is a modern AU where the assassin boys are either in collage or have graduated already, and know each other in an online game. One of the most prominent features of this AU is the fact that Edward is around 40-ish, and Connor and Haytham are adoptive siblings. But other than that, mostly everyone's in their 20's-30's, and this is just basically pure crack I wanted to post LOL Also, a lot of this is in chat format, which shouldn't be new if you've read one of my other Homestuck one shots lol

**mastaassassinz24: Altair**

**gdinovice: Malik**

**khadar756491: Khadar**

**whosilmentorenow: Ezio**

**Leonardo speaks with emotes :)**

**Revolutionary: Connor**

**piratekingNO1: Edward**

**BleedingEffectEagle: Desmond**

**historianindahouse: Shaun**

* * *

"Not again!" Altair yelled into the mic, dramatically reclining in his chair by pulling his knees to his chest and covering his face. He jerked the monitor with the movement, and a small curse flowed from his lips before he fixed it, remaining in the same knees-tucked-in position afterwards. Malik and Khadar chuckled on the other end, while Altair typed away into the party chatlog.

** mastaassassinz24: gfdi guys we needa betta way ta do dis**

**gdinovice: obviously. **

**whosilmentorenow: what do you suggest then? **

**Revolutionary: I think we should perhaps go on the offensive. **

**piratekingNO1: like, more on the offensive. **

**Revolutionary: Yes. **

Altair snickered into the mic. "What do you think, Malili? All out skill set?"

"I've got the wrong gear. I'd do nothing haha." Malik laughed through the mic. "And don't call me Malili."

**khadar756491: maybe we could divide and conquer? split into groups and regroup at the boss. **

**historianindahouse: That typically works. What do you guys say? **

**BleedigEffectEagle: we shd probly stick in groups of 3-4**

**mastaassassinz24: says da only chick here**

**mastaassassinz24: wat hppnd 2 gurl power**

**BleedingEffectEagle: i alrdy said im a guy! **

**Revolutionary: *Snickers* How do we know you are not trolling? **

**historianindahouse: Well I for a fact, as someone who knows you in real life, can attest to your "trolling." **

**BleedingEffectEagle: Shaun! **

**gdinovice: ...**

**piratekingNO1: ...**

**historianindahouse: ...**

**Revolutionary: *Silence* **

**BleedingEffectEagle: oh ********s**

**mastaassassinz24: way ta go dip******

**historianindahouse: GOD **** IT DESMOND**

**whosilmentorenow: it censored you all lol**

**khadar756491: well this isn't awkward. **

**gdinovice: why don't we just pretend this never happened? **

Red text flashed across the screen- "BleedingEffectEagle has been killed by historianindahouse."- quickly followed by the blue text of historianindahouse taking all of BleedingEffectEagle's dropped equipment, and finally, "historianindahouse has logged off." in yellow.

Altair slammed his hand down on the table hard enough to make Khadar yelp on the other end of the mic. "HAHAHA I get the feeling he's killing him out of game to!"

**Revolutionary: What**

**BleedingEffectEagle: MY STUFF**

**piratekingNO1: LOL**

**khadar756491: O_O;;**

**mastaassassinz24: omg wow**

**BleedingEffectEagle: FU CK IM SORRY**

**-BleedingEffectEagle has logged out- **

**mastaassassinz24: ...**

**gdinovice: god **** it. **

**whosilmentorenow: haha censored again.**

Altair leaned forward, his knees pressed to his chest, his hands hovering over the keys. Malik was silent on the other end.

**piratekingNO1: so now that we're out of a party, any other confessions you want to throw out there? **

**Revolutionary: My last name is Kenway. **

**whosilmentorenow: sorry my wife is calling me I have to go.**

**whosilmentorenow: bene bene beneahhdbkk you jerk I'm not your wife V_V**

**piratekingNO1: oh no way we have the same last name. **

**-whosilmentorenow has logged out- **

**piratekingNO1: well anyway, i have a son. there you have it. **

**Revolutionary: Really? **

**piratekingNO1: he's adopted. so is his brother.**

**Revolutionary: I am adopted. What are their names?**

**piratekingNO1: Connor and Haytham. Why...? **

**Revolutionary: ... Hello father. **

**piratekingNO1: WHAT I SHOULD HAVE GUESSED AS SOON AS YOU SAID KENWAY. WHICH ONE ARE YOU**

**-Revolutionary has logged out- **

**piratekingNO1: CONNOR. OR HAYTHAM. GFDI. YOU'RE BOTH GROUNDED.**

**gdinovice: well that's not at all awkward. **

**mastaassassinz24: hey hey i wanna say sumthin me an gdinovice voice chat 2gtha**

**mastaassassinz24: so does khadar756491**

**khadar756491: Khadar is actually my real name. **

**piratekingNO1: HA I KNEW GDINOVICE WAS ALWAYS PREOCCUPIED. **

**mastaassassinz24: u kno wat else hes also gey**

**gdinovice: al you dumb**** i told you not to say stuff like that about yourself online unless you were comfortable doing it. **

**piratekingNO1: okay you can be the ultimate gay ship of this guild, just dont start actin all mushy over the chat. **

**piratekingNO1: and don't even make a ship pun khadar I know what you're thinking.**

"God damn it Malik!" Altair laughed into the mic. All he could hear on the other end was Malik's hysterical laughter. "Dude I feel kinda bad for him."

**piratekingNO1: you're not denying it. **

**piratekingNO1: i'm kinda scared now.**

"Okay wait troll the shit out of him. Make some stupid innuendos or whatever." Altair stated, typing out a response.

**mastaassassinz24: wat r u jelly? **

**gdinovice: too bad you don't know us irl, you could join in the fun. **

**mastaassassinz24: hell yea ;) **

**piratekingNO1: i think i'll pass... O_O**

**mastaassassinz24: oh well moar of dis hot *** for me. **

**gdinovice: mmm bby. **

**mastaassassinz24: oh yea. u kno wat u in 4 novice **

**gdinovice: what am i in for, Masta?**

**piratekingNO1: GUYS I HAVE SONS YOU KNOW...**

Malik laughed out loud. "I'm in freakkin tears reading this I can't-!"

**khadar756491: I...Never knew that about you brother...or you al. **

**khadar756491: see ya later PK...**

**-khadar756491 has logged out- **

**mastaassassinz24: imma take u so hard **

**mastaassassinz24: u'll be seein stars 4 weeks**

**mastaassassinz24: gonna press u up agnst a wall an pound into u so hard **

**gdinovice: mmm, can't wait... **

**gdinovice: but... don't forget your tools this time. **

**gdinovice: especially not the vibrating one. you know which one i mean. **

**piratekingNO1: NO**

**piratekingNO1: NO I DO NOT WANT TO HEAR THIS **

**piratekingNO1: NO **

**piratekingNO1: I NEED AN ADULT**

**piratekingNO1: YOU ***HOLES**

**piratekingNO1: YOU MAKE ME UNCOMFORTABLE I DONT WANT TO KNOW ABOUT YOUR LOVE LIFE OR WHATEVER**

**piratekingNO1: I'M GOING TO SLEEP**

**piratekingNO1: GOOD NIGHT**

**-piratekingNO1 has logged out- **

There was silence for a new record of almost two seconds, before Altair and Malik burst out in laughter over the mic. "I can't- I can't-!"

"His face must have been priceless!" Altair cackled, slapping his table. Malik laughed harder, he was almost gasping for breath now. "We ever gonna tell him?"

"Heeeeell no! Let his imagination run wild!" Altair said, leaning forward to check some things on his character. Malik chuckled. "You're evil. Alright, I'm gonna get some sleep now. You head off to bed too soon, don't be late to tomorrow's raid."

"I know, I know Malili. I'll be there. 10'o clock sharp. Night." Altair responded, a faint smile peaking through his tone. After he was sure Malik had logged off, he took off his headset and set it down next to his monitor, logging out of the game himself. Maybe one day, he thought, _like totally hypothetically and probably never but maaaybe,_ we'll meet each other and actually do something like that.

* * *

You know on Edward's end, he's got his hand over his mouth to hide his blush and is actually contemplating joining in that hot ass party.

I hope I portrayed these guys right lol Altair's style of typing (and also Desmond's) is based off one of my favorite AltMal blogs on tumblr. Also all their names actually have some significance to their games, except Khadar's XD I hope you found this as funny as I did, but it makes slightly more sense in context of the "meme," which was all AltMal centric lol Hopefully I can get more Edward into and Ezio into my writing into the future haha


End file.
